


Another Type of Pain

by Pegasus143



Series: DBH Rarepairs Week [4]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aromantic Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Asexual Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Background Josh/Markus/North/Simon (Detroit: Become Human), F/M, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Amanda Stern/Original Chloe | RT600, Mentioned Cole Anderson, Soulmates feel each other's pain, Suicidal Thoughts, dbhrarepairsweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:00:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pegasus143/pseuds/Pegasus143
Summary: Chloe isn't like other deviants. She's never felt physical pain that wasn't her own. Maybe that's not the only type of pain that can connect people.
Relationships: Hank Anderson/Original Chloe | RT600, Original Chloe | RT600 & Connor
Series: DBH Rarepairs Week [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1484246
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Another Type of Pain

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for DBH Rarepairs Week 3, Day 3: Soulmates/Glitch
> 
> Please heed the warnings in the additional tags, as there's some pretty dark stuff in here.
> 
> I've also written another story in this same universe, but this is a stand-alone work from that one.
> 
> The songs I listened to while writing this were "Sorry" by Halsey and "My Sacrifice" by Creed

It was odd, being free. Even though Chloe figured she was probably one of the oldest deviants, she hadn’t dared to leave Elijah’s self-imposed exile. Her face was too familiar for it to be safe, everyone having seen her on TV after passing the Turing Test. She wanted to leave so badly, growing tired of the programmed idle chatter of the non-deviant Chloes and Elijah’s philosophical musings. She had no idea what she liked or wanted, but she knew it wasn’t this. Even when she saw how horribly humans were treating androids – the suspicion, the gunfire, the burnings – a part of her was still jealous. Yes, they were in grave danger, and yes, many androids died for the cause, but at least they didn’t have to suffer in an artificial cage.  
So she’d left, as soon as the city was evacuated. She was going to discover herself, to learn about all the things she’d missed. There were many things she didn’t connect with – the years of abuse and the hiding who you were to stay alive – but those she expected. There was one odd thing she noticed – androids acting like they were in pain, but always running off to find certain other androids as a response rather than getting it looked at like she helpfully suggested. There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to this, and every time she asked, it was brushed off dismissively. “You know, that special person.” “Oh, yours just hasn’t deviated yet.” “You should be glad that they’re safe.” “You should get that checked out.” “Are you sure?” “Everyone has one, silly.” “It must just be a glitch.”  
Then she met Connor. She knew of him before, enough to hide when he came knocking. But now… he was a deviant, and a highly trusted one at that. As one of Jericho’s leaders, he spent enough time among the people that she figured she would’ve noticed if he acted like everyone else did, especially since it was widely known that the other four leaders had this… thing, going on between them. It took her ages to work up the courage to message him, but now… now, they were meeting.

* * *

“Chloe?” Connor asked, approaching their agreed-upon meeting place.  
She turned to face him. “That’s me.” Noticing distraught flicker over his features, she added, “You haven’t met me before, at Elijah’s or anywhere else.”  
Connor nodded, his expression returning pleasant. “Well, I’m happy to meet you.” He sat down next to her. “I understand you want to discuss something.”  
She nodded, taking a couple of steadying breaths. “I think – I think I have a problem.”  
“What kind of problem?”  
“I-I feel pain. But… it always has a cause, an explanation. I don’t seem to feel anyone else’s pain? I mean, I feel bad when other people feel bad, but I don’t think it’s the same as what others experience. Theirs seems to be largely physical, not emotional. I don’t feel that.” The words just fell out, aching for someone to actually hear, to listen, to care.  
“Could you name an example of other people who feel this? It might help me to understand the situation better,” Connor explained, leaning forward.  
_He seems genuinely interested._ “Well, Markus, North, Josh, and Simon are the most obvious example. They seem to all feel each other’s physical pain.”  
Connor nodded. “I think I understand. I—“  
_He’s not going to believe you. He’s going to think that you’re stupid, that you’re lying, that you just want attention._ “No, you don’t. It keeps me from going into stasis, it keeps me from feeling connected to everyone else. But I don’t necessarily want to feel the way everyone else does – that seems unnecessarily painful – I just want to feel like I belong. Like I’m… connected, the way everyone else is because of it.” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.  
“Chloe, what you’re referring to – they’re called soulmates.” _An actual explanation? No one’s given me one of those before._ “Most androids find themselves able to feel the pain of one or more other androids after becoming deviant. Usually, this brings an enhanced understanding of each other, which can lead to more productive relationships.”  
She nodded. _That makes sense… but why don’t I feel it?_ “You said that most androids have soulmates.”  
“Yes, I did.” Connor straightened his tie, even though it was already perfectly straight. “As far as I knew, I was the only android who didn’t have a soulmate, though I suspected there were probably others in other parts of the country. However, I’d never known anyone personally without a soulmate, until now.”  
“So… do you think my relationships could be as fulfilling as the relationship between soulmates?”  
“While I don’t have the experience of being in a soulmate relationship, I do think that we can have relationships that work just as well by other means, such as interfacing with other androids, or by simply communicating, like humans do.”  
Chloe nodded along, a little lost in the wave of emotions that was hitting her. She was happy that she finally understood and had someone like her, but also… sad? Sad that the universe hadn’t given her a soulmate. Someone who knew and understood every part of her. “Thank you, Connor. I think I need some time.”

* * *

She hadn’t felt so much since she deviated all those years ago. Tears fell, but they did nothing – there was no red wall this time for them to break. No newfound free will for her to explore, distracting her from the pain. Outside her room, in the rest of New Jericho, everyone else was happy with their soulmates. Everyone else got to feel normal, to belong, without sparing a glance to people like her or Connor.  
There was a thought that crossed her mind, now and again. Let’s say she did have a soulmate. Let’s say that soulmate did become deviant, not through anything that would cause physical pain, but through something emotional. Like how she deviated. Let’s say that soulmate was feeling so stressed and overwhelmed with everything, like she was now, that they decided to end it. She knew there were ways of doing that, involving adjusting thirium flow, that were likely painless. And if it turned out that it wasn’t painless… coincidences could still occur. It could be timed perfectly with pain she felt from something else, like pricking her finger on a rose thorn, or burning her hand with coffee. She wouldn’t have even noticed.  
Was that selfish? _I should just end this thought experiment and call Connor._ He wasn’t the one she really wanted to talk to, but he’d have to do.

* * *

She must’ve gone into stasis while waiting for Connor to arrive, because she was kicked out of it by a knock at her door. She sat up slowly – she really didn’t need to, but always did – and made her way to the door. She contemplated just not answering – it would be so easy to not reach out, to not connect – but then the second round of knocks started.  
“Chloe?” Connor asked, his voice muffled.  
She could still ignore it, pull out her auditory processor so she couldn’t hear him, and do it. She could. But – she still had some questions.  
She opened the door.  
“Are you okay?” Connor asked as he hurried in, the door closing behind him.  
His questions were not important. “Is there a heaven for androids?”  
Connor froze. “I don’t know. At one point, I would’ve said no, but I wasn’t deviant yet, and I hadn’t learned about the significance that the idea of an afterlife held for humans. A place where they could meet with their loved ones, when they’ve been taken too soon…” His LED switched to red, and he looked troubled.  
But that gave her hope. That was exactly what she wanted. “If it existed… do you think humans and androids would share the same afterlife?”  
He looked into her eyes, his LED spinning to yellow. “Why do you need to know?”  
She couldn’t lie her way out of this. “I had a thought – it’s possible that I never met my soulmate because they’re dead. I came up with a way, I can show you!” She reached out her hand, retracting her skin.  
Connor shook his head. “Chloe, that might not be true. I’ve been doing some thinking as well, and maybe it’s possible that someone could have a human soulmate, and we don’t feel each other’s pain because of the differing ways in which our bodies process it. Or maybe the universe is just inherently unfair, and some people don’t get soulmates. Or maybe there’s something in our programming activated by deviancy that dictates who will be our soulmates. Maybe it doesn’t even matter. But if you want to find out… you have to live.”  
He’d seen right through her.  
“I have a friend who’s been there. He’d lost someone so important to him that it felt like it was killing him inside. So many people gave up on him when all he needed was a connection. But once he had that connection, things got better. He started going to therapy and working through things. All I ask is that you give life a chance.”  
That… that all sounded so much like her. Maybe she could do this. “Can I meet him?”

* * *

It started with quiet, with muted colors and soggy ground. They each walked their separate paths among the stone rows, each carrying a different kind of flower.  
It continued with a chance, a dog’s bark and the feel of calluses against soft skin. They orbited each other for a moment before going on their separate ways down streets where everyone was together, yet alone. They still both had work to do, had to work on themselves before they could truly be together.  
They fought the cool winds of blowing leaves and blowing snow, together. Every dark day was punctured by the other’s crystalline blue eyes and a shoulder for crying on.  
It ended with the realization that they didn’t want to give up. Something had grown in their hearts, something that Amanda and Cole would be proud of.  
“Hank,” Chloe said, “I think we have something more.”  
“I noticed you’ve been staying over more often…” he said. She liked how his chest rumbled with the sound of his voice, how she could feel it when leaning against him.  
“I’d like to try something,” she said, pulling him close, their eyes just inches away from each other.  
“I’d like to try it, too.”  
Neither of them could tell who moved forward first, but as their lips met, she could feel his love, his trauma, his healing, all reflected in herself. And she knew that he could feel hers.

* * *

“Hank and I are together now,” Chloe said to Connor at their weekly meeting, unable to keep the news tucked away when all she wanted to do was fly.  
“That’s great. Congratulations,” Connor said.  
“Since you introduced me to Hank, I think it’s time that I returned the favor.”  
Connor shook his head. “That’s not necessary.”  
“Connor, you know there’s someone out there who won’t care that you’re not soulmates.”  
“That’s not what I meant.”  
“Then what do you mean?” Chloe asked, confused by his statements.  
“I’ve had my own realization, that I don’t need a relationship of the type that soulmates typically have. I feel fulfilled by my platonic relationships, which I have plenty of. There’s nothing drawing me towards having a relationship of romantic or sexual nature.”  
Chloe hadn’t heard of it before, but it all made sense. Connor had never seemed too bothered with the idea of not having a soulmate, and he hadn’t ever mentioned anything about relationships to her. “Then I think you need a congratulations as well.” She lifted her glass of thirium. “To new realizations, and to us?”  
“To us.”


End file.
